(In a perfect world, this post would have been published before last night's Grammys, but, well, this isn't a perfect world I guess. Bummer.)
The Grammys are music's biggest honor. Unfortunately, they're 99% irrelevant and anyone who truly values music does not take them seriously. Except me; I love the Grammys. Granted, I love all awards shows, but I especially dig the Grammys because, well, they're about music. And I like music.
All that said, I know that the Grammys largely suck (for lack of a better word). The music performed and nominated is, nearly without fail, terrible. Rather than a celebration of creativity, the Grammys are a celebration of corporations. But that's okay. Right? Right. Last night's show, though, managed to be a little more worth-watching than past years'. What with Arcade Fire winning Album of the Year and Janelle Monae stealing the show in front of millions and Mick Jagger not dying... It was a comparatively entertaining and relevant telecast. Sure we had to sit through Lady Antebellum winning an armful of awards and Barbra Streisand doing whatever Barbra Streisand was doing, but it was all worth it. I think. Yay Grammys.
Enough waxing pathetic about the Grammys; let's get down to business. As I said before, "The music performed and nominated is, nearly without fail, terrible." (Yes, I just quoted myself exactly.) So I decided, because I have a large music library and plenty of spare time, to make my own version of the Grammys--you know, nominees and winners for most of the major categories. So much good music from the past year was snubbed, and I thought it would be nice to give it some recognition. (Keep in mind: the cutoff dates for the Grammys are basically 11/09 and 11/10. That means, sadly, that My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, among some other things, is ineligible. (Some of the prereleased singles, though, are eligible. I think.))
I leave out some categories, and I combine some categories. Unfortunately, even in my version, lots of great music is excluded. Oh well... I chose the nominees based on what I think fit the category and also what I think deserved recognition. I chose the winners based on both which I genuinely liked most and which I thought would make a nice acceptance speech. Those are in italics. Without further ado...
Record Of The Year
"What Would I Want? Sky" by Animal Collective
"Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green
"Tightrope" by Janelle Monae feat. Big Boi
"Home" by LCD Soundsystem
"Dancing On My Own" by Robyn
Album Of The Year
Have One On Me by Joanna Newsom
This Is Happening by LCD Soundsystem
Returnal by Oneohtrix Point Never
On Patrol by Sun Araw
The Monitor by Titus Andronicus
Song Of The Year
"Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green
"Good Intentions Paving Co." by Joanna Newsom
"Monster" by Kanye West et. al.
"Mr. Peterson" by Perfume Genius
"Four Score and Seven" by Titus Andronicus
Best New Artist
Actress
Drake
Gonjasufi
James Blake
Perfume Genius
Best Pop Performance with Vocals
"Go Outside" by Cults
"Take It In" by Hot Chip
"Bad Romance" by Lady GaGa
"What's My Name" by Rihanna feat. Drake
"Dancing On My Own" by Robyn
Best Pop Vocal Album
Stuck On Nothing by Free Energy
One Life Stand by Hot Chip
The Fame Monster by Lady GaGa
Loud by Rihanna
Body Talk by Robyn
Best Dance Recording
"Reckless With Your Love (Tensnake Remix)" by Azari & III
"Odessa" by Caribou
"CMYK" by James Blake
"Dance Yrself Clean" by LCD Soundsystem
"Little People (Black City)" by Matthew Dear
Best Electronica/Dance Album
Splazh by Actress
Swim by Caribou
Cosmogramma by Flying Lotus
Waiting For You by King Midas Sound
This Is Happening by LCD Soundsystem
Best Rock Performance
"Ready To Start" by Arcade Fire
"Desire Lines" by Deerhunter
"No Words/No Thoughts" by Swans
"A More Perfect Union" by Titus Andronicus
"Four Score and Seven" by Titus Andronicus
Best Rock Album
The Suburbs by Arcade Fire
Halcyon Digest by Deerhunter
Everything In Between by No Age
My Father Will Guide Me Up A Rope To The Sky by Swans
The Monitor by Titus Andronicus
Best Alternative Music Album
Swanlights by Antony & The Johnsons
Teen Dream by Beach House
A Sufi and A Killer by Gonjasufi
Learning by Perfume Genius
Make It Real by Pocahaunted
Best R&B/Urban Vocal Performance
"Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green
"Shut It Down" by Drake feat. The-Dream
"Cold War" by Janelle Monae
"Tightrope" by Janelle Monae feat. Big Boi
"Soldier of Love" by Sade
Best R&B Album
The Lady Killer by Cee Lo Green
New Amerykah Pt. II: Return of the Ankh by Erykah Badu
The ArchAndroid by Janelle Monae
The Outsiders Are Back by Kings Go Forth
Untitled by R. Kelly
Best Rap Performance
"Shutterbugg" by Big Boi
"hahahaha jk?" by Das Racist
"Over" by Drake
"POWER" by Kanye West
"Bastard" by Tyler The Creator
Best Rap Collaboration
"Fo Yo Sorrows" by Big Boi feat. George Clinton
"Fireworks" by Drake feat. Alicia Keys
"Empire State of Mind" by Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys
"Monster" by Kanye West, Rick Ross, Jay-Z, Bon Iver, Nicki Minaj
"French!" by Tyler The Creator feat. Hodgy Beats
Best Rap Album
Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son Of Chico Dusty by Big Boi
Sit Down, Man by Das Racist
Thank Me Later by Drake
Rain In England by Lil B
Bastard by Tyler The Creator
Best New Age Album
New Age Outlaws by Dylan Ettinger
Does It Look Like I'm Here? by Emeralds
Living With Yourself by Mark McGuire
Returnal by Oneohtrix Point Never
On Patrol by Sun Araw
Best Contemporary Jazz Album
Anti House by Ingrid Laubrock
Annular Gift by Ken Vandermark
For The Ghosts Within by Wyatt, Atzmon, Stephen
Best Folk Album
Ironto Special by The Black Twig Pickers
The Wonder Show Of The World by Bonnie "Prince" Billy & The Cairo Gang
Luck In The Valley by Jack Rose
I See The Sign by Sam Amidon
Funeral Mariachi by Sun City Girls
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Thought provoking! Well written and organized to boot.
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